Today is actually May 11th, 2014, Arthur's sixth birthday. Every year on their birthday I like to tell the kids the story of their birth. I think it started as my own reminiscing each year, but has now become a fun tradition. Tonight when I was putting Arthur to bed he reminded me that I hadn't told him his birth story yet, so as I snuggled him I thought about what happened that day six years ago. Trying to remember new details to add in that he might not know I realized how hard it was for me to remember all of the events of his birth. It is amazing what six years has done to my memory! I thought that if I just looked back through my blog I would be able to read all about that day, but found that I blogged very little about it. I actually started this blog a few months after he was born, but wrote a little bit about his birth in one of my first posts. My attempt today will be to fill in all the details that I can still recall, before time takes even more of them from my memory! So, forgive this odd time traveler post- I will try to pretend to be six years younger as I write this!
My mom was there with us, she had arrived a few days before with plans to stay for a week. Her brother, Paul, was going in for major surgery on his jaw to try to remove a cancerous tumor. He had already battled cancer for a few years and was becoming pretty sick with it. She wanted to spend some time with him while she was in Utah.
We also visited Temple Square with her during the week before Arthur was born and we took some pictures sitting by the spring flowers around the old tabernacle. She was staying at our apartment with us, it was only a small one bedroom and I was more comfortable on an air mattress anyway, so she slept in our room and Chris and I shared an air bed in the living room. You had to go through the bedroom to get to the bathroom so we thought it would be easier for her to sleep in there.
The night I went into labor was May 9th- Arthur's due date. Mom and Chris and I had gone out to dinner in SLC, at a Mexican restaurant that we loved, Blue Iguana. We joked about the idea of eating spicy food to induce labor, and while I was really ready to have the baby I don't think I ventured to eat anything too hot. As we walked down the city streets to get back to our car Mom was encouraging and said how healthy and helpful walking was just before and during labor.
Later that night after we had gone to bed I started feeling contractions and was so restless and excited that I sat up in the glider chair in the corner of the dining room and watched the clock on the microwave in the kitchen. I timed contractions every 3-5 minutes, and although they didn't seem to be intensifying I woke up Chris and Mom after several hours to go to the hospital that was just around the corner from us. When we got there they checked me in and hooked me up to monitors to measure the contractions and keep an eye on the baby. I didn't sleep all through that night, although Chris and mom made beds in the room with me and fell asleep. Around 8 the next morning they came to review the readings and check my dilation, I had been at a 4 when I checked in and I was barley at a 5 by the morning. Because of hospital policy they couldn't keep me there unless I was showing more rapid progress and dilation, so even though they had tracked my contractions at every 1-3 minutes and pretty strong intensity, they released me and told me to go home and do a lot of walking.
I was incredibly disappointed and feeling a little bit strung out by then. We drove back to the apartment and Chris left mom with me while he went to work, it was Friday, promising to come home as soon as I called him. Mom and I walked around the apartment block until I felt like I couldn't walk anymore. She timed my contractions and encouraged me to go a bit further every time I wanted to stop. I was so annoyed with her for that!
I remember that we ran into the Relief Society president from our ward while we were out walking and she asked if my water had broken yet. I told her I didn't think so, but that I had been in the bath a lot, so I wasn't sure. She just laughed and said, Oh you would know- I'm sure you've still got plenty of time. I felt really angry about how casual she was about it all. Couldn't anyone tell that a baby was going to come out of me at any second?!
After I decided I couldn't walk anymore, mom and I went back to the apartment and put on a movie. I couldn't concentrate on it at all and don't even remember what we watched. I think I sat on the birthing ball for most of it and shut my eyes to try and block everything out. At some point later in the day Chris got back from work and some friends stopped by that evening. I didn't want to see anyone so I hid in the bedroom at the back of the apartment until they left. Chris gave me a blessing because I was becoming really anxious and emotional. I felt like I couldn't carry on, but that I wouldn't be able to handle being sent home from the hospital again. It was as if I was giving it all I had, and everyone just kept saying it wasn't enough. I was really discouraged and upset. I hadn't slept or eaten in over 24 hours, plus I had been in constant labor for nearly that long.
I refused to spend another night at home, so we called my midwife and told her I wanted to come back in. She was really understanding and told me to go ahead and she would come to check on me as soon as she could get there. They checked me back in to the hospital when we arrived and put me on the monitors for a couple of hours. Once my midwife, Danielle, got there she promptly removed all the monitors and told me to get up and move around however I was comfortable. I walked the halls with Chris pushing my IV for a while, sat on the birth ball, had a bath and did everything else I could think of through the whole day (Saturday May 10th). By this time it was past midnight of the next day and now the 11th of May. My water broke while I was sitting on the toilet, which felt like I had suddenly sat down on a large water balloon, first a pop then a gush! I didn't have much time to be surprised, because a few seconds later I threw up in a conveniently placed trash can by the toilet. Chris was in the bathroom with me and rushed out to tell the midwife. Danielle came in to talk to me and assured me that this was a good sign and the throwing up was totally normal.
She helped me back to the bed and I laid down, feeling totally spent. For the last couple of hours I had been losing touch with what was happening. Everything sounded like I was underwater, and I couldn't make sense of what people were saying or who was in the room and who wasn't. I quietly talked to Danielle and told her it was starting to worry me. She said that she was concerned and knew from the state I was in that I wouldn't be able to make it through the birth and that this might cause complications, and even put the baby or I in danger. She wanted to give me an epidural right away and start me on a high dose of Pitocin. I felt like such a failure and cried. I asked her if she would have let me carry on trying if I hadn't told her how tired I was and asked if it was my fault that I hadn't been able to have the natural birth that we had wanted. She said no. She told me that she had been looking at the monitors over the last couple of hours (they had started using them again to get an idea of how things were going) and could see that my uterus was starting to give out. It had been contracting so hard for so long that now my contractions were beginning to fade and lose intensity instead of the other way around. I was miserable. They brought someone in to do the shots, and soon after the pitocin took over and I felt things go into high gear again.
Arthur was born within the hour after 30 minutes of pushing, at 3 AM Sunday morning May11th. He had been posterior and hadn't been able to descend properly during labor, so my body hadn't been able to birth him on its own. Chris and Mom stood on my sides while he was born, and Chris was able to catch him, but didn't want to cut the cord. I held him immediately and snuggled him. He filled me with so much love I could hardly bear it! While they worked around me in the room I held him and adored him. Mom and Chris and I noticed that he was making little grunting sounds every second as he breathed and we thought it sounded adorable. He passed the tests in the room and when they were finished and ready to move us to the recovery room Chris went with Arthur to the nursery for a routine infant checkup while they took me to get settled. Mom headed back to our apartment to get some sleep.
A little while later Chris walked into our hospital room where I was in bed and as soon as I saw his empty hands and the look on his face my heart felt like it would break and I started to panic. He told me that they were sending Arthur to the NICU because they found that he wasn't breathing very well on his own. He had fluid trapped in his lungs and couldn't get enough air. I was worried and upset. Within a few minutes a NICU doctor came in and announced that our baby was very sick. I wanted to leap out of bed and shake him! I was so worked up with worry and anger that they were keeping my baby away from me. After some time talking to the doctor I calmed down a bit. They kept Arthur for four days in the NICU. The first time they let me down to see him I walked in right when they were trying to change his iv and he was screaming and there were bloody towels all around him. I balled at the sight of my brand new perfect baby covered in tubes and cords with an oxygen mask on and no one to hold him. He had needles in him and was already pricked and bruised. I felt so powerless. I couldn't protect him, or even hold him when he cried. My heart ached more than I had ever experienced before. I stood at his crib side and sang him a lullaby, Spider's web, that I used to sing at Girls Camp. While I sang to him he opened his eyes and looked at me. I thought I could feel his love and trust, and my heart melted all over again. I felt like the Lord was trying to bless me with peace to know what He was watching over Arthur then when I couldn't.
I spent as much time as possible in the NICU with him. After the fourth day they said he was well enough to stay for three days in the regular hospital nursery. Even though I had already been released we rented a hospital room so that I could stay closer to him. All day long I sat at his cradle side in the nursery watching him and wanting to hold him. On the last couple of days they let us have him in the room with us during the night as long as a nurse could come in and check him when they needed to. I was so happy to have him near me and to feel him in the room with me. Mom had extended her trip by a few days, and Paul had ended up staying in the ICU of the same hospital that we were in, so she was able to visit with both of us. The day we got to take Arthur home was such a joy! My mom was flying out the same day so I stayed home with Arthur whilst Chris drove her to the airport. Before he even had a chance to get home I called my mom on her cell phone. She had just reached her gate. I was in tears and begged her to come back. I couldn't do it I told her, I had no idea how to take care of this baby and I needed her to be there to help me. She spoke reassuring words with love and kindness until I calmed down enough to tell her goodbye and she got on her plane.
Every day since then has been a blessing and a challenge, but I am thankful for them all!
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